


Becoming Real

by nico_neo



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Christmas, Feels, Heavy Angst, I'm Sorry, Implied/Referenced Torture, Inspired from a Christmas tale, Jeno is Santa's helper, M/M, Some are lightly described some are implied, Violence, We follow Jaemin's life evolution... kinda, Yeah i can't write full angst that's out of my power, i guess
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-25
Updated: 2018-12-25
Packaged: 2019-09-12 22:12:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,482
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16880193
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nico_neo/pseuds/nico_neo
Summary: "When a child loves you for a long, long time, not just to play with, but REALLY loves you, then you become Real." - The Velveteen Rabbit





	Becoming Real

**Author's Note:**

  * For [jaemnoya](https://archiveofourown.org/users/jaemnoya/gifts).



> I think i literally killed the Christmas spirit in this but... Well, not totally... ~
> 
> Any, I started this randomly at first and through the story i fell upon that Christmas story "The Velveteen Rabbit" and suddenly everything made sense and i got inspired lol
> 
> TW: Mentioned of violence, both implied and some are rather written explicitly  
> Nothing too heavy though... Well, i don't think so?
> 
> It's a happy ending tho i can't write full angst to save my life lmao
> 
>  
> 
> PS: Julian, take that as payback for all your angsty prompts on twitter lmao, mwah

“Come on you lazy asses! Christmas presents won’t be wrapped by themselves!”

_One whiplash. Two whiplash._

Jeno hissed at the pain he was feeling in his back. He’s pretty sure former wounds - as well as new ones, were bleeding by now.

His hands worked faster at wrapping the gift wrap around the box of a remote-controlled fire truck. They were shaking. His whole body was shaking. The wounds on his back were making him suffer. But the only thing he could do was to clench his teeth. And work.

_Work. Work. And work again._

“Faster!” the red-clothed man roared.

_Another whiplash. And another._

Jeno’s knees almost gave up. He couldn’t stay straight, his back arched because of the pain.

The others weren’t better than him.

Everyone who pictured Santa and Santa’s helpers as a family. Working all year in joy, snow, eating cookies whenever they felt like it. Everyone who pictured Santa as the kindest man alive, was all wrong.

Oh, how Jeno wished someone knew how it really was.

Gingerbread workshops?

Hell.

Hell would be the right word.

 

Christmas coming close was always the hardest. Not that it wasn’t the rest of the year, but the last two weeks before Christmas were the toughest to go through.

 _To stay alive_ , Jeno would dare to say.

Wrapping gifts non-stop, charging them inside the sack. Putting said sack inside the sleigh. Feeding the reindeers. Trying to not get knocked out or stepped-on by said furious reindeers.

It was like a mantra.

“Hurry up you wankers!”

With all the strength he managed to find, Jeno, as well as a few others, managed to settle the sack inside the sleigh.

“Now, get in the sleigh you little pieces of shit. I want to get this done as quick as possible.”

Jeno almost fell as Santa slacked the reindeers back with the reins.

 

 

“You, get this in that house.”

Jeno caught the present that was thrown at his face last minute. He got out of the sleigh, jumping on the house’s roof. He then jumped inside the fireplace before landing on hard ground, inside the house, without any noise.

He spotted the shining Christmas tree and quietly made his way to it, careful to not make any noise. Once he reached it, he carefully placed the gift under the tree.

He was about to leave when a sudden flash blinded him.

“Wait. You’re not Santa.”

The light disappeared but that didn’t stop Jeno from widening his eyes. Right in front of him was a little kid. With honey hair and a little flashlight in hand.

“Are you a thief?” the kid asked.

“What? No, no I’m not-“

“Why are you stealing my presents then?”

Jeno furrowed his eyebrows.

“I wasn’t stealing it! He protested. “I was bringing it to you. I’m Santa’s helper.”

The kid looked at him, unimpressed.

“Prove it then.” He said, crossing his little arms on his chest.

Jeno wanted to scoff.

Were the scars and wounds on his back a proof?

He exhaled. No, it wasn’t. And not proper to show it to a kid anyway.

So, instead, he lifted up his green beanie to reveal his ears to the little boy.

Pointy ears.

The kid gasped, and his mouth was wide open. Jeno quickly but his beanie back on, clearing his throat.

“You believe me now?”

“Amazing.” The honey-haired kid said in owe. “What’s your name mister Christmas elf?”

“I’m not a-“ Jeno huffed but decided to not fight a eight-year-old boy. “Jeno. Yours? Mister I should be asleep at that time of the night?” he asked, playfully.

“Jaemin.” The kid answered, brightly. “And it’s Christmas, it’s okay if I’m not asleep.”

“No it’s not.” Jeno answered tit for tat. “Santa could put you on the naughty kids list for that.”

And it wasn’t totally a lie…

Jaemin snorted.

“Not true! I’ve been a good boy all year.” He stated. “And don’t tell me you never tried to catch Santa when you were young.”

“Well…”

_Not really._

“And why isn’t it Santa who brings gifts anyway?” Jaemin continued, but a tad bit sadder this time.

 _Because he’s a lazy and cruel ass man_ , Jeno wanted to answer.

“You know, there’re a lot of kids in the world. Santa can’t fill every house with presents in one night all by himself. So, we help him a bit.”

“Oh.” Jaemin nodded. “I guess Santa is a busy man.” He giggled.

 _You don’t want to know_.

“You should go to sleep, kid.” Jeno said, as he made a move to reach the fireplace.

“Are you leaving?” Jaemin pouted.

“Yes, I have to go. I still have a lot of kids to give presents to.”

“Can’t you stay a bit?” Jaemin was still pouting, and Jeno fount it quite adorable. The next question bought a little smile on his face. “Until I fall asleep?”

Jeno knew he would regret this when they’ll be back at the workshop, but who was he to refuse something to a little kid on Christmas night?

“Okay.” He accepted, shooting a small smile to the kid, who joyfully took his hand to bring him upstairs.

In the end, Jeno spent the whole night with Jaemin, reading all sort of stories Jaemin wanted him to read until the boy fell asleep.

Before he left, Jeno put a note on Jaemin’s bedside table.

 _“My favorite Christmas story is still the Velveteen Rabbit though ;)_   _”_

_\- Jeno_

With that, Jeno left Jaemin’s house, heart light but suddenly feeling heavy as he caught a view of the red-clothed man.

 

 

 

Next Christmas, Jaemin waited. He waited and waited again. Hoping he would catch the familiar green beanie like he did the year before.

He waited and waited until he fell asleep.

Nothing.

 

Jaemin kept on waiting as several other Christmas passed. Still waiting to reunite with Jeno again. But to no avail.

The helper never came back.

He had talked about Jeno to his mom. He told her everything that happened that night. Catching Jeno putting his Christmas present under the Christmas tree. The man’s pointed ears. And how he stayed until he fell asleep, narrating him stories. Even how they playfully fought about what was the best Christmas story to exist.

His mother had just laughed, gently scolding him for eating too much cookies before sleeping and how sugar made him imagine things.

“It was real, mom!”

“If you say so, sweetie.”

 

When he told his friend Donghyuck, he didn’t believe him.

“It wasn’t real, Jaemin. You probably just dreamt.” Donghyuck shrugged.

“It wasn’t a dream, Hyuck!”

 

Nobody believed him.

But Jaemin knew it was real.

 

 

 

He was now twenty-one. Spending his Christmas night alone, in a house too big for him.

He moved away from Korea when he was just eighteen. Moving out to America instead, hoping he would build something better there.

But also, hoping he would forget how long he waited for something – rather someone, who never came back.

He bought a house, oddly not too expensive for him. Too big for him alone, for sure. But he won’t complain, it could be worse. He was working in a little bookshop in town. It wasn’t what he intended to do in the beginning, but again, it could be worse.

 

And now, here he was, laying in his couch, a shitty Christmas movie playing on TV. He wasn’t watching it though, dozing off and ready to fall asleep.

Just as he was about to drift to unconsciousness, a noise startled him.

Jaemin opened his eyes wide, slightly feeling uneasy.

What was that?

He slowly turned his head around to search for the source of the noise. He was sure it came from the fireplace.

When his eyes settled near his Christmas tree, his eyes widened even more, and he quickly put on a sitting position. His eyes still glued on the person kneeling near his Christmas tree.

The man – he supposed, was wearing a green shirt, black pants and… a green beanie?

“Jeno?” Jaemin asked.

It was enough to startle the man, who straightened up at the speed of light, turning to look at him. Eyes wide. Just like Jaemin a few minutes ago.

Jaemin stood up from his couch, carefully walking to the man in front of him.

“Jeno, is that you?” he asked again.

“Who are you?”

His voice was a bit deeper from what Jaemin remembered, but he could recognize it everywhere.

“You don’t remember me?” The honey-haired asked, a bit sadden by the fact Jeno didn’t seem to recognize him.

Jeno made a move closer to Jaemin, watching him closely.

_Honey-haired… Was it?_

“Jaemin?” the helper asked, carefully.

Jaemin could feel tear willing up in his eyes but a big smile made its way to his face.

“You’ve grown so much.” Jeno muttered in awe.

Jaemin didn’t say anything, trying to not cry like a baby.

It was not a _dream_.

Jeno was a _real_.

Or maybe he was imagining everything again, but he highly doubted it.

Jeno made another move closer to him. And this time, Jaemin could finally see his face.

And his smile quickly dropped.

Jeno’s face was bruised. And he didn’t notice earlier, but he was limping.

The honey-haired felt another round of tears gathering in his eyes. And when he wanted to speak, his lower lip wobbled.

“W-What happened to you?”

Jeno’s eyes became darker, and he put on a tight smile.

“Nothing.” He lied. “I just hurt myself in the fireplace.”

Jaemin didn’t buy any of it.

Jeno was avoiding his gaze.

“I’ve waited for you. You know.” Jaemin whispered. He gritted his teeth. “And you never came back.”

He looked up at Jeno, who was now looking at him. The lights of the Christmas tree reflecting on his face, perfectly showing off his bruises. On his cheekbones. Near his lips. On his eyebrow arches… Everywhere.

“I’ve told everyone about that Christmas night. Nobody believed me. All thought I was crazy. But every Christmas I still waited. Waited for you to come back again. Thirteen years waiting but you never showed up. And suddenly, when I decide to move away. Away from everything that happened. You suddenly show up.” A tear made his way down Jaemin’s cheek. “I think I deserve an explanation.”

Everything fell silent.

Until Jeno spoke again.

“You waited for me?” he asked.

“Thirteen fucking years.”

He didn’t say anything after that.

Jaemin scoffed.

“And you know what’s worse?” the honey-haired chuckled, but there wasn’t any joy in it. “I only realized it a couple of years ago and that’s actually why I moved out… Between the way of knowing if you were real or just an… entity, an abstraction of my brain. I realized something. I fucking fell in love with you. What I remembered of you. You were eating my brain twenty-four seven. And every Christmas I hoped to see you again. But you never came. And thirteen years later you fucking reappear, and you just crush everything I tried to build. You just crashed my promise to forget and fall out for you into pieces.” Tears were now straining Jaemin’s cheeks.

On the other side, Jeno’s heart was in pieces as well.

“Jaemin I-“ the helper started but stopped mid sentenced.

_Don’t you think I didn’t want to come back? Don’t you think I didn’t try to escape? Do you think I don't care about you?_

“Are you going to leave again?”

_I don’t want to… But I have no choice._

“We don’t belong to the same world Jaemin.” Jeno tried to explain.

“Yeah, I understood that.” Jaemin spat, venom filling his words. “But did you ever try?”

“The last time I stayed with you, for you.” Jeno snapped, anger in his voice. “When _he_ found out, _he_ nearly beat me up to death. Locked me away from coming back here again. And I tried. You don’t know how many times I tried to come back. Because I wanted to see you again. But every time I just ended with more bruises and scars on my body, I can’t count them anymore.”

Tears were also straining Jeno’s face by now.

“I don’t know how I did it, but I managed to escape tonight. But I know that once I’ll be back, there will be no turning back for me. Coming to see you tonight, it’s signing my death contract. I’m fully aware of that.” Jeno’s voice broke, just like Jaemin’s heart at hearing the older speaking.

A sob escaped Jaemin’s mouth.

“I don’t belong here, I can’t stay, I can’t escape.” Jeno continued, but his eyes had softened. “Remember what my favorite Christmas story is?”

A sobbing laugh came from Jaemin.

“The Velveteen Rabbit.” He sniffled, remembering perfectly.

Jeno turned around, grabbing the gift he had put under the tree and handled it to Jaemin.

“When you’ll reach the line talking about being real, think about me.”

Jaemin didn’t have time to ask for anything before he felt two calloused hands cupping his cheeks.

And a pair of soft but bruised lips on his.

But as soon as they came, they left.

“Thank you for loving me, Jaemin.” Jeno whispered. “Thank you for making me feel real.”

 

_Everything went black._

 

 

 

 

This year, Jaemin was working at the bookshop for Christmas.

Not that he really minded, he didn’t have anyone to spend Christmas with anyway.

Since it was near evening, and a 24th of December, the bookshop was quiet. And very empty.

Not being able to close before a good two hours, Jaemin simply sat behind the counter and put out a book from his bag.

The title read _The Velveteen Rabbit_.

He didn’t remember how this book ended up at his house, he simply found it under his Christmas tree a year ago. But he never really found time and motivation to read it. A strange feeling filling his body.

But since he didn’t have anything to do.

 

As he reached a particular sentence. The rabbit and the horse talking about love and real. A bizarre sensation invaded Jaemin’s body. As if he was missing something important. As if he had to remember something.

He simply shook his head and went one with his reading.

 

When he reached the end, and was reading aloud, but his voice still coming out as a whisper, the bell of the bookshop’s door rang.

Jaemin didn’t noticed, too focused.

He also didn’t notice the silhouette in front of the counter.

One more sentence.

“But he never knew that it really was his own Bunny-“

“Coming back to look at the child who had first helped him to be real.” The stranger cut him off.

Jaemin’s head jolted upward, surprised that the stranger suddenly spoke.

But as his eyes landed on the said stranger, tears began to fill in his eyes.

Eyes turning into crescents, the stranger smiled at him.

“Hi, Jaemin.”

**Author's Note:**

> You guys can all eat chocolate now lol ~
> 
>  
> 
> [Twitter](https://twitter.com/niconeo3)  
> [curiouscat](https://t.co/e1UnChL5kj)


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